...which, incidentally, has nothing to do with the fruit liking the fact that it fell from that particular tree.
I don't know if I ever told you the story about when Antigone was only about 2 months old (which means I had not legally changed her name from Indigo Toyen to Antigone Indigo yet - that happened at 3 months). I was on the phone with my Mom and I said "you know, this baby has the most bizarre expression on her face"...so my Mom says " like what, honey? do you think maybe it's gas?"...and I say "oh...no, it's more like she's pissed off at me...". To this day, I warn people that my daughter -“Medusa”- can and will turn you to stone with one single glance.
I heard years ago and love telling people that (SUPPOSEDLY) a girl gets 80% of her genes from her father and a boy gets 80% of his stuff from his Mom. There has never been any doubt that the 4 boys seem more like me (more emotional, more expressive, more neurotic, more chatty, more likely to be medicated for something, more likely to be on the autism spectrum); Antigone and Scot, on the other hand, are emotionally solid, rely heavily on smirking as the mainstay of their expressive repertoire and rarely answer with more words than what might be minimally required to count as an “answer”. In all fairness to Scot, however, he has never turned anyone to stone.
So, yesterday, I had to drive Montserrat to Chicago (6 hours round-trip, including Starbucks at the Belvidere Oasis) to spend a few days with cousin Maxi. Antigone’s assignment was to come for the ride, in part because she wanted to, but more importantly to KEEP ME AWAKE. (Staring straight ahead for several hours has a hypnotic effect on me after years of being so crazy-busy that I could atrophy from the lack of activity).
The first diversion she initiated was “NAME-10-THINGS-YOU-WANT-TO-DO-BEFORE-YOU-DIE”, which seemed engaging enough to keep me alert for a few miles. She went first: “Bungee Jump, jump out of an airplane, ride on a motorcycle, fly a plane, fly some other way, drive a race car...”. My list was this: “REALLY learn French – not just half-assed, become excellent on the violin, write a few books, figure out how to prevent/cure autism, have a diner/coffee shop with Scot, own a cottage in Saugatuck...” Neither of us came up with 10 but the minute she heard what my choices were she said “NOT STUPID THINGS LIKE THAT! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO COME UP WITH STUFF THAT’S FUN…LIKE AN ADVENTURE!!!!”
Oh. I didn’t know that.
We argued about whether “non-adventures” can count in this particular exercise and I never convinced her of the slim chance that my own dreams might, by default, be authentic. The classic exchange between us is this: I say “Try to be a nice person” and then she does this fabulously unique combination of rolling her eyes in disgust and batting her eyelashes extravagantly. Little Bo-Peep meets the devil.
This is what I love though – beyond her prickly, disdainful front, Antigone is one of the funniest people I know – truly a quipster (and truly kind - remind me to tell you about her relationship with Kier sometime). She managed to entertain and engage me for the full 6 hours but would likely never admit that she had fun doing it…
What are the 10 things you’d want to do? (And don’t say something STUPID!)
Ruby
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Worry Sponge
Wouldn't it have been great to have been a mom in the 60s in that regard? Everyday after school, we rode bikes to the candy store. My mother felt great about that. No concern about helmets or red dye or sugar or rapists. Just be home by six!
On the topic of dependence, when Portia realized the summer was ending and 10th grade was about to begin she commented "Just seven more days of freedom!"and Madison, who has been desperate to start college since she was about 7 years old said, "More like 7 more days TIL freedom". Freshman year was a tough one for me, first of all because I have twins, so 2/3rds of my kids left at once, and Madison is so joyfully enjoying life at Emory, even though I know it's age appropriate, it still hurts my feelings when she forgets to call. I do a lot of the worrying for her. The furthest she had ever driven was to the mall, and now she's driving 6 hours to Atlanta. She listens to tunes, while I absorb the worry, and check the weather in every state she is driving through. She goes to California for spring break; she tans, I call Delta 9 times to make sure the plane has landed safely. If only it was the 60s!! I'd simply yell "Just be home by May 8th!"
Patty
On the topic of dependence, when Portia realized the summer was ending and 10th grade was about to begin she commented "Just seven more days of freedom!"and Madison, who has been desperate to start college since she was about 7 years old said, "More like 7 more days TIL freedom". Freshman year was a tough one for me, first of all because I have twins, so 2/3rds of my kids left at once, and Madison is so joyfully enjoying life at Emory, even though I know it's age appropriate, it still hurts my feelings when she forgets to call. I do a lot of the worrying for her. The furthest she had ever driven was to the mall, and now she's driving 6 hours to Atlanta. She listens to tunes, while I absorb the worry, and check the weather in every state she is driving through. She goes to California for spring break; she tans, I call Delta 9 times to make sure the plane has landed safely. If only it was the 60s!! I'd simply yell "Just be home by May 8th!"
Patty
Monday, April 6, 2009
Independence Day (not)
One side note - you know I'm looking for a job...so the first one I see this morning is this:
BORING MILL OPERATORS - Strong candidate needed to operate BORING mills and multi planers, 4ft. rotary table tops and 7ft. floor type BORING mills.
While the job itself sounds perfectly respectable, I couldn't tell people what I do and have the first word be BORING. Like telling people I'm a STUPID MOM, FAT DESIGNER......
O.K. - what I really wanted to say is that I am thinking a lot about my children's alleged independence. As you know, I was not an abandoned child but I grew up in the '60's basically, so I lived my childhood with crazy abandon. The moments were thrilling, the memories are delightful. I remember packing lunches "to-go" (imagine that - I think we called it PICNIC), almost always a peanut butter & jelly or fluffernutter sandwich on bright-white bread into a paper bag and my brother and I were off. We rode our bikes as far away as we could go, we dug tunnels connecting the back yards in the neighborhood (the Great Escape inspired activity of choice), we hiked and rock-climbed (turns out those rocks were someone's back yard), we skated on ponds, we roller skated down steep hills with the skates that had keys and would be re-called now, and would walk a mile with pockets full of change to buy candy (LOTS of CANDY). My Mom would not see us until dinner time and not because she was amiss in her parenting style but because this is what every kid was doing.
I have no idea what little kids were doing in the '70's or '80's. Skye was born in '89 and everything after that is kind of a BLUR but I know one thing - my kids have never been allowed to just wander, nor say "bye" at breakfast and return around dinner time.
One thing that makes it totally different for us, certainly, is that, because of Kier's autism, we have had to bolt all our doors from the inside and hide the keys; he has a history of "escaping" and terrifying us as we do our blood-hound routine with the police.....he has found keys that we hide, ended up in people's beds, barefoot in restaurants, "taking" bikes from open garages, in the basement of our old house. Anyway, as you can imagine, this has proven to be somewhat stifling for our 4 other kids who have always had to ask to be let out to play in the front yard (or backyard until we had it fenced like a fortress - although Kier has also climbed over 6 ft. privacy fences in his day). I think of my children as declawed indoor cats who look outside at the birds and tune in to some primal instinct but just haven't connected with what it is.......however, even if it weren't such an extreme case, I sense that they would "log on" before they'd dig a tunnel.
Nevertheless, Atticus (almost 10) - who has Aspergers (close in many ways but higher functioning than Kier's severe autism) is getting restless and has just recently wanted to "wander", to be free, to just "go" and we know this is healthy since he has been very vocal about never wanting to grow up before now. We helped him orchestrate his first adventure about a week ago. He was going to walk to the park alone, play for awhile then come home. We rehearsed with him every detail of his plan before he left: cross at the light.....wait till you see the cars actually STOP...don't talk to anyone, don't change your plan and go somewhere else, don't stay long, don't go over by the water. It was huge for us and huge for him; he's left with Montserrat or Antigone before but never alone (although he walks home from school each day......with groups of other kids). Honestly, we believed he'd do fine but we were in hyper-alert mode, waiting for his return about an hour later. I asked him if he'd had fun and he said "not really". On the one hand, I knew it was the abandon that I'd enjoyed that he was really looking for...the instinct to just be gone without limits, no plan.....and to just "show up" later, while on the other hand, I could see that he was relieved to be home. He has started to do quick trips to get "something" at Trader Joe's or a pharmacy with candy that's super close and this seems to be easing the wanderlust and making him feel more free.
Skye (almost 20) moved out last fall - to an apartment complex close to our house. He has not, however, actually hung out or slept at his apartment more than a handful of times but comes "home" instead. At first I assumed he just missed the high speed internet, Kier, or the dog, but as the months have zoomed by I'm thinking it's something more and it makes me think about the basic conflict between dependence and independence and I so easily see how - at least for my kids - it needs to move slowly. I'm thinking possibly a tunnel from one side of the yard to the other, with high speed internet and a small fridge?
Ruby
BORING MILL OPERATORS - Strong candidate needed to operate BORING mills and multi planers, 4ft. rotary table tops and 7ft. floor type BORING mills.
While the job itself sounds perfectly respectable, I couldn't tell people what I do and have the first word be BORING. Like telling people I'm a STUPID MOM, FAT DESIGNER......
O.K. - what I really wanted to say is that I am thinking a lot about my children's alleged independence. As you know, I was not an abandoned child but I grew up in the '60's basically, so I lived my childhood with crazy abandon. The moments were thrilling, the memories are delightful. I remember packing lunches "to-go" (imagine that - I think we called it PICNIC), almost always a peanut butter & jelly or fluffernutter sandwich on bright-white bread into a paper bag and my brother and I were off. We rode our bikes as far away as we could go, we dug tunnels connecting the back yards in the neighborhood (the Great Escape inspired activity of choice), we hiked and rock-climbed (turns out those rocks were someone's back yard), we skated on ponds, we roller skated down steep hills with the skates that had keys and would be re-called now, and would walk a mile with pockets full of change to buy candy (LOTS of CANDY). My Mom would not see us until dinner time and not because she was amiss in her parenting style but because this is what every kid was doing.
I have no idea what little kids were doing in the '70's or '80's. Skye was born in '89 and everything after that is kind of a BLUR but I know one thing - my kids have never been allowed to just wander, nor say "bye" at breakfast and return around dinner time.
One thing that makes it totally different for us, certainly, is that, because of Kier's autism, we have had to bolt all our doors from the inside and hide the keys; he has a history of "escaping" and terrifying us as we do our blood-hound routine with the police.....he has found keys that we hide, ended up in people's beds, barefoot in restaurants, "taking" bikes from open garages, in the basement of our old house. Anyway, as you can imagine, this has proven to be somewhat stifling for our 4 other kids who have always had to ask to be let out to play in the front yard (or backyard until we had it fenced like a fortress - although Kier has also climbed over 6 ft. privacy fences in his day). I think of my children as declawed indoor cats who look outside at the birds and tune in to some primal instinct but just haven't connected with what it is.......however, even if it weren't such an extreme case, I sense that they would "log on" before they'd dig a tunnel.
Nevertheless, Atticus (almost 10) - who has Aspergers (close in many ways but higher functioning than Kier's severe autism) is getting restless and has just recently wanted to "wander", to be free, to just "go" and we know this is healthy since he has been very vocal about never wanting to grow up before now. We helped him orchestrate his first adventure about a week ago. He was going to walk to the park alone, play for awhile then come home. We rehearsed with him every detail of his plan before he left: cross at the light.....wait till you see the cars actually STOP...don't talk to anyone, don't change your plan and go somewhere else, don't stay long, don't go over by the water. It was huge for us and huge for him; he's left with Montserrat or Antigone before but never alone (although he walks home from school each day......with groups of other kids). Honestly, we believed he'd do fine but we were in hyper-alert mode, waiting for his return about an hour later. I asked him if he'd had fun and he said "not really". On the one hand, I knew it was the abandon that I'd enjoyed that he was really looking for...the instinct to just be gone without limits, no plan.....and to just "show up" later, while on the other hand, I could see that he was relieved to be home. He has started to do quick trips to get "something" at Trader Joe's or a pharmacy with candy that's super close and this seems to be easing the wanderlust and making him feel more free.
Skye (almost 20) moved out last fall - to an apartment complex close to our house. He has not, however, actually hung out or slept at his apartment more than a handful of times but comes "home" instead. At first I assumed he just missed the high speed internet, Kier, or the dog, but as the months have zoomed by I'm thinking it's something more and it makes me think about the basic conflict between dependence and independence and I so easily see how - at least for my kids - it needs to move slowly. I'm thinking possibly a tunnel from one side of the yard to the other, with high speed internet and a small fridge?
Ruby
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Streching the Truth
We've all had that Montserrat Moment, where your plan comes crashing down, so in a show of sympathy, I have decided to misspell the word stretch for the 2009 calendar year whenever it comes up.
We had trouble in the Fancypants world this week. A little background...about 3 years ago, some of the women on my tennis team were commenting about American Idol, the combination of wanting to watch the show and their family's utter disdain that the show was in existance. My own kids said the average age of the viewer is 12, so I was sort of sneak-watching it...from that conversation, my friend, MaryAnn decided to have a few people over on Tuesday night for A.I. just from 7-9PM...
from THAT, we decided a small wager would make the whole thing more fun. I actually think money makes everything more interesting; I would enjoy museums a lot more if they would display the price of the items, but that is a thought for another day...anyway, it's now been a Tuesday night staple for years, and the princely sum of $3.00 give you the right to vote each week. Whoever guesses the person eliminated wins the pot, and I find myself cheering as though it is overtime in the Superbowl, this was me this Wednesday, "Go Anoop! No, I mean, really, go! Go home! Aarrrgh!!!! I knew it was going to be Megan! Why didn't I vote off Megan!!!!" We have a very professional system where the money moves in a Baggie from one Tuesday's house to the next. So this week, there were 3 winners, but the very organized and precise person with the Baggie threw out the messy little voting chits, and someone else claimed to have voted correctly as well. I was cracking up, because some of these women are like Junior League on steroids, I think one of them owns a few hospitals, but there was HEATED debate over this $9.00 situation, a VERY long and streched-out story to get to the fact that it reminded me of your cellphone-in-the-toilet, it was one person's word against another.
And by the way, I sum up my food habits as disorderly eating. It's not exactly an eating disorder, but that's how I am going to refer to it from now on!
Patty
We had trouble in the Fancypants world this week. A little background...about 3 years ago, some of the women on my tennis team were commenting about American Idol, the combination of wanting to watch the show and their family's utter disdain that the show was in existance. My own kids said the average age of the viewer is 12, so I was sort of sneak-watching it...from that conversation, my friend, MaryAnn decided to have a few people over on Tuesday night for A.I. just from 7-9PM...
from THAT, we decided a small wager would make the whole thing more fun. I actually think money makes everything more interesting; I would enjoy museums a lot more if they would display the price of the items, but that is a thought for another day...anyway, it's now been a Tuesday night staple for years, and the princely sum of $3.00 give you the right to vote each week. Whoever guesses the person eliminated wins the pot, and I find myself cheering as though it is overtime in the Superbowl, this was me this Wednesday, "Go Anoop! No, I mean, really, go! Go home! Aarrrgh!!!! I knew it was going to be Megan! Why didn't I vote off Megan!!!!" We have a very professional system where the money moves in a Baggie from one Tuesday's house to the next. So this week, there were 3 winners, but the very organized and precise person with the Baggie threw out the messy little voting chits, and someone else claimed to have voted correctly as well. I was cracking up, because some of these women are like Junior League on steroids, I think one of them owns a few hospitals, but there was HEATED debate over this $9.00 situation, a VERY long and streched-out story to get to the fact that it reminded me of your cellphone-in-the-toilet, it was one person's word against another.
And by the way, I sum up my food habits as disorderly eating. It's not exactly an eating disorder, but that's how I am going to refer to it from now on!
Patty
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Stretching (STRECHING) this Morning (MOURNING)!
Woke up this morning - mourning the loss of Zeke's bike, still.......trying to move past it (maybe you can help me ) but this is the part of parenthood that cripples me the most....seeing a kid be really excited about something....then having it not work out. I can hear Scot's voice and see his smirk: "so life like" , he reminds me when I get "stuck" in cripple-land.
Reminds me of when Montserrat (11) was picked to represent his class in the school spelling bee a few years ago. He was Soooooooo excited and proud and couldn't stop thinking about winning the competition and going on to the city-wide level (and then to the MOON) with his spelling skills. The whole elementary school and tons of parents came to see it. I took the morning off from work to be there, to cheer him on!!!!! I was also soooo excited.
Montserrat had a number "1" on his shirt which simply meant that he was seated farthest to the right and would be the first child to stand and spell a word. The word was STRETCH and Montsi got very serious and carefully said these letters: "S-T-R-E-C-H".
I felt a tumbling-butterflies sensation in my gut...seeing the disbelief in his face as he realized the mistake. He was out, after 10 seconds.
He walked sheepishly to the back of the auditorium where I was sitting and sat like a puppy on the floor next to my chair. I reached for his hand and whispered some comforting words to him. His expression was part shock, part embarrassment and his sweet little boy hand stayed wrapped in mine, on my lap for the rest of the bee. All I could think about was how relieved I was to be there at that time for him.
By the time he got home from school, he was "over it"...even laughing a little about it.......which helped me to move on too....kind of.
Ruby
Reminds me of when Montserrat (11) was picked to represent his class in the school spelling bee a few years ago. He was Soooooooo excited and proud and couldn't stop thinking about winning the competition and going on to the city-wide level (and then to the MOON) with his spelling skills. The whole elementary school and tons of parents came to see it. I took the morning off from work to be there, to cheer him on!!!!! I was also soooo excited.
Montserrat had a number "1" on his shirt which simply meant that he was seated farthest to the right and would be the first child to stand and spell a word. The word was STRETCH and Montsi got very serious and carefully said these letters: "S-T-R-E-C-H".
I felt a tumbling-butterflies sensation in my gut...seeing the disbelief in his face as he realized the mistake. He was out, after 10 seconds.
He walked sheepishly to the back of the auditorium where I was sitting and sat like a puppy on the floor next to my chair. I reached for his hand and whispered some comforting words to him. His expression was part shock, part embarrassment and his sweet little boy hand stayed wrapped in mine, on my lap for the rest of the bee. All I could think about was how relieved I was to be there at that time for him.
By the time he got home from school, he was "over it"...even laughing a little about it.......which helped me to move on too....kind of.
Ruby
Friday, April 3, 2009
EVIDENCE!
The lost bike story reminds me of our cell phone saga....all I really wanted to do was talk to someone at U.S. Cellular about streamlining my plan for obvious reasons - trying to cut back as my life plummets (kind of...remember, I said I am actually happier) so this nice, nice gal takes me through my very convoluted Family Plan, letting me know whose phones are up for renewal or not. I had just been talking to Skye about possibly paying for his own plan (scowl, scoff!) but this gal told me it's about $30 - $40/month for an individual vs. only $10 extra/month for each of the kids who are on my plan (4 of them...GOD knows why, but I think this had something to do with emergencies, being lost in airports, possible abduction, children really needing to call home).
I ended up getting both of us new phones. WHAT????!!! Yes, I did...and the reasoning was that there happened to be a BUY ONE / GET ONE FREE thing with these LG phones and one of them was a cute purple (me) and the other was silver (Skye)....perfect. I had dropped my phone and it was acting funny and Skye hadn't been able to get his voicemail to work...this was the only responsible thing to do....these would last a long time and I could cancel my home phone. And trying to be as thrifty as possible I said no thank you to the offer for insurance on his phone....she explained that if he dropped it in the toilet, lost it, or it was stolen, we'd be able to replace it for $50.00. Made me laugh a little when she said toilet. Not because the odds are so low, but more because I could totally see myself - or Skye - dropping our phones in the toilet but declined the insurance anyway.
4 days later Skye reported that his phone was lifeless, so I took it back for either the same phone or some other brand but when the guy at U.S. Cellular looked at the battery, he said there was certain evidence of WATER DAMAGE, as INDICATED by the INDICATOR that should be white but was red.
Skye denies that the phone ever got wet...and certainly not in the toilet...and I am inclined to believe him. However, since I did not have an eagle eye on that phone for four days, I coudn't argue with the EVIDENCE...
I still get to have the rebate on mine but Jesus, having something for four days is not long enough. So sorry about Zeke's bike.
Ruby
I ended up getting both of us new phones. WHAT????!!! Yes, I did...and the reasoning was that there happened to be a BUY ONE / GET ONE FREE thing with these LG phones and one of them was a cute purple (me) and the other was silver (Skye)....perfect. I had dropped my phone and it was acting funny and Skye hadn't been able to get his voicemail to work...this was the only responsible thing to do....these would last a long time and I could cancel my home phone. And trying to be as thrifty as possible I said no thank you to the offer for insurance on his phone....she explained that if he dropped it in the toilet, lost it, or it was stolen, we'd be able to replace it for $50.00. Made me laugh a little when she said toilet. Not because the odds are so low, but more because I could totally see myself - or Skye - dropping our phones in the toilet but declined the insurance anyway.
4 days later Skye reported that his phone was lifeless, so I took it back for either the same phone or some other brand but when the guy at U.S. Cellular looked at the battery, he said there was certain evidence of WATER DAMAGE, as INDICATED by the INDICATOR that should be white but was red.
Skye denies that the phone ever got wet...and certainly not in the toilet...and I am inclined to believe him. However, since I did not have an eagle eye on that phone for four days, I coudn't argue with the EVIDENCE...
I still get to have the rebate on mine but Jesus, having something for four days is not long enough. So sorry about Zeke's bike.
Ruby
Produce first!!
Friends don't let friends start in the frozen food aisle, isn't there a law about that?
The box of issues for this week include's this drama:
Zeke doesn't ask for much. He costs us less than anyone in the family. A perfect visit to the mall for him lasts 5 minutes or less. He can never think of anything he wants for Christmas...he's been getting into biking lately. This is NOT a biking town, but against all odds, he's joined the Biking, Juggling and Gardening Club at Tulane and they ride around and have crawfish boils and picnics and Ultimate Frisbee competitions...He's been using Portia's old clunky bike. Last week, he asked about getting a good bike. Yes, definitely! It's cheaper than a car, and if he's going to be there 5 years, that's money well-spent.
So on Saturday, we have this big outing and get him all set up with the cool bike, the helmet, the Kryptonite lock, the water botle (they threw that in for free, that's when you know you are spending too much)...Out the door it was close to $500.00...
That stupid bike has already been stolen! He owned it for exactly 4 days! It was depressing, because he was so happy about that bicycle. But it was such a bummer to lose it, Zeke has vowed to ride crappy bikes for the rest of his life.
Also, I don't think I've mentioned this lately, but I was born in the wrong body! I was supposed to be petite. If I was, then I could have saved a gazillion amount of energy and angst to keep losing the same 25 pounds over and over. My goals are not lofty, I just want Size 10 to feel loose! This time I have a new strategy, I have actually applied to Weight Watchers, it's a 6 hour work week, I think I can handle that! Since self-discipline never works, maybe a situation where you lose the job if you gain the weight back will be motivation.
So this day ends with me bikeless and not a tiny person, but generally things are good! I think I'll go eat some produce.
Patty
The box of issues for this week include's this drama:
Zeke doesn't ask for much. He costs us less than anyone in the family. A perfect visit to the mall for him lasts 5 minutes or less. He can never think of anything he wants for Christmas...he's been getting into biking lately. This is NOT a biking town, but against all odds, he's joined the Biking, Juggling and Gardening Club at Tulane and they ride around and have crawfish boils and picnics and Ultimate Frisbee competitions...He's been using Portia's old clunky bike. Last week, he asked about getting a good bike. Yes, definitely! It's cheaper than a car, and if he's going to be there 5 years, that's money well-spent.
So on Saturday, we have this big outing and get him all set up with the cool bike, the helmet, the Kryptonite lock, the water botle (they threw that in for free, that's when you know you are spending too much)...Out the door it was close to $500.00...
That stupid bike has already been stolen! He owned it for exactly 4 days! It was depressing, because he was so happy about that bicycle. But it was such a bummer to lose it, Zeke has vowed to ride crappy bikes for the rest of his life.
Also, I don't think I've mentioned this lately, but I was born in the wrong body! I was supposed to be petite. If I was, then I could have saved a gazillion amount of energy and angst to keep losing the same 25 pounds over and over. My goals are not lofty, I just want Size 10 to feel loose! This time I have a new strategy, I have actually applied to Weight Watchers, it's a 6 hour work week, I think I can handle that! Since self-discipline never works, maybe a situation where you lose the job if you gain the weight back will be motivation.
So this day ends with me bikeless and not a tiny person, but generally things are good! I think I'll go eat some produce.
Patty
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