Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Different Eyeballs

I keep having this recurring thought lately - how can I actively change my perception of the entire world by simply switching out my habitual lenses with new ones?? Typically, most people, any visual or mental chaos as well as noises that someone else chooses (your music, vs. mine) annoy me and it's truly an exercise to get beyond this.....and I know this seems precious, but seriously I think it's genetic more than precious...like I am hard-wired to be this way.......possibly.

The visual I get is this: every day I drive by this gigantic crazy-chaotic construction site close to my home but because I am usually in my car alone, I had never tapped into how the site makes me feel until I was driving with Scot one day and blurted out "Oh my GOD, it would be sooooooo depressing to work there every day......how would you know where to start with that mess? It just makes me feel weak looking at it!.....But it would be soooooo satisfying to look at a building that you'd worked on, after the fact" Hmmmm. So Scot says "Are you kidding? This is when it's FUN...it's what every little boy is drawn to....it's why they have to endlessly watch trucks.....it's the DIGGING, the SMASHING and MAKING PILES that makes it great.....it's the next part - the measured, predictable PROCESS of building the structure that would be tedious."

This is why opposites attract - to experience the same exact thing with different eyeballs/brains/hearts.....I immediately flashed-back to my oldest son when he was almost 2 and every route we took in our little car was carefully chosen for the purpose of zig-zagging by any and all construction sites in the area. So with that perspective I was able to see the horrific mess of twisted steel, colossal slabs of broken concrete, pipes, dust, mayhem & noise as something closer to "playtime".....which helped me not be overwhelmed by the unsightliness the next time I drove by the site.

So when I was at the dentist last week, getting a cleaning - which typically freaks me out because of all my mouth SENSITIVITY - I decided to try this lens switching activity.....it was mildly empowering.....I really focused on how someone else might see this as ONLY A CLEANING...vs. the uber-dramatic-end-of-the-world-ish-ness-including-excruciating anxiety-&-pain that I slide into so quickly with so many things.....I suspect that this is so "been-there-done-that" for most people and this is certainly NOT the first time I have attempted this "try to look at the world with a different spin" thing.....it's just the most recent account of something I have tried to get better at my whole life. Here's what I am wondering though...while I feel like I can "borrow" this approach periodically, do you think it could ever actually become ME??

Result: My teeth are clean and I was much calmer; ten points for me this time!! My goal: to see if I can possibly sustain this attitude without referencing anyone else's heroic ability to see the world without disgust and panic...more to come.

Ruby